the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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