is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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