I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I could make wine with my vomit
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Never let your siblings swipe right.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize