Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
