She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize