they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize