so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
