$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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