Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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