remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
