does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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