Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
how drunk are you?
Several
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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