I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
