About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
