How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
