i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize