high people should be assigned attendants
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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