so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
