I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
