she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
