the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
