You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
