how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
