Ambien. No doubt about it.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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