Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
