So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
zippers are such a cool invention
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
