Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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