would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
