I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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