sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
