remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize