New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
