you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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