Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
