i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My Higher Power is John Stamos
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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