I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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