i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I had to cum in my sink.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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