I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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