all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
