Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
