I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
