from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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