no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
