i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
