I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
