he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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