i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
