How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
