O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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