Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize