Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
