I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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