Screwed.edu
My underwear smells like fireworks.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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