so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
