how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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