i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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