i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
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I need you to use more vowels.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
