you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
