Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize