Christians are straight up FREAKS
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
