omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
