butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
