dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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