Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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