she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
