are you so shy because you have an std?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
this just has baby written all over it
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
