somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
