Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(360): View more from Washington

I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room

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(205): View more from Alabama

I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.

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(317): View more from Indiana

You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice

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(303): View more from Colorado

Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.

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(618): View more from Illinois

I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.

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(909): View more from California

My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.

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(806): View more from Texas

my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.

(940): View more from Texas

umm... whats the butter for?

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.

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