it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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