to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
