well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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