I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
