I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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