I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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