so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My liver just broke up with me...
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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