I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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