i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
