I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
