she was so not down for the gang bang
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We are two peas in an std pod
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
