Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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