she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
