We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
