6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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