I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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