so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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