I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
