everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
