Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
