Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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